I serve with four remarkable men as we strive to oversee the spiritual needs of nine congregations and over 2700 households. These are men of considerable stature and professional success, but all of us strive to serve humbly without compensation or recognition on behalf of improving the spiritual and temporal lives of thousands. After one of our recent meetings as we further contemplated our responsibilities, the following was written by one in our group. It was written as I am told…”from mind to pen…” without pause. I found it most profound. It is called the Authentic Confidant.
The Authentic Confidant
Authentic Confidant is not the perfect title for this person, but here are some descriptors:
They are usually not official advisers, counselors, or mentors. They are always an authentic friend, but often not the person you hang out with all the time. When you are together, it is usually a rich and meaningful experience. Trusted by captains of industry, generals of armies, and potentates, but also loyal to and trusted by the salt of the earth, the categorized common, the under-served, and the downtrodden. You know when you enter the inner courtyard of their home where only a few are invited.
They don’t wield direct power for power’s sake and shun the spotlight not because they are shy, but because that focused light by definition places others just as or more deserving, in the shadow.
They themselves are not the charismatic commander or transformational titan, but a defining trait of a great leader with an eye on long-term success is to recognize them in the crowd and honor their desired anonymity. Their circle of influence goes beyond a single great leader, but they are usually not a bridge between leaders that can be leveraged. It is the Confidant ‘s call, not the leader’s, as to which links are established. If anyone tries to stretch that trust too far, the full extent of the Confidant’s wisdom and connection quietly fade.
Pauciloquent in public, penetrating in private, their word is their bond, and their counsel is usually confidential and concise. They lack pretense or guile, but they aren’t perfect. Their moral code may place less value on some principles and doctrines than the leader or other member of their circle may hold. They don’t want to be placed on a pedestal and would be the first to say they are far from pedestal worthy.
They spend less than they make. They listen to a friend’s story for the third or fourth time without rolling their eyes. They do incredible things and never toss it out in conversation or insert it into social media for pride or project’s sake.
They run the marathon or break a record without fanfare. They stand on the sidelines of office rumor mills and gripe sessions, but stand by the lonely and overwhelmed, and anonymously sacrifice for a greater good. They are catalytic on their own terms.
They show up everyday and transform the mundane into magnificence and are master craftsmen of practice, purpose, and poise; never with an expectation of extra praise, pay, or prominence. They want to be appreciated like anyone else for their efforts, but not for their inner circle support.
They plant slow growing fruit trees and fast maturing micro-greens in the garden of their inner circle.
They are introverts and extroverts, male and female, of every ethnicity and creed. Sometimes they are part of a brain trust, elite council, or kitchen cabinet, but just as often they are a line-level employee, a secretary, or a janitor.